Bola Ige and the faceless Killer(s) 11 years after

* I Actually wrote this for publication in the dailies in 2007 during the 6th year of Bola Ige's assassination. recently I stumbled across the write-up and discovered that much of the points are still in place, so I edited few parts and put it up for publication.

There is a cardinal aspect of modern jurisprudence and justice which holds that people are innocent until proven guilty. As hard as it sometimes is, I absolutely respect and accept it. Mobolaji E Aluko (2004)

When Chief Bola Ige was assassinated in December 23, 2001, everybody rose up to the challenge of calling for the immediate arrest and prosecution of the unknown killers; The Press lent their voices, the Judiciary also cried out. I could recall the statement of Femi Falana (SAN), Lagos Lawyer when he heard of the news “Why should Ige whose precious life was spared by Abacha's hit squad have to be killed under a supposed democratic regime of which he was the chief legal officer! What an irony of life!" Who could have killed Uncle Bola as he is popularly called, in his bedroom two days to Xmas, during this period of democracy, Remember that Chief Alfred Rewane was killed during the Abacha regime on October 6, 1995? The differences here of course are that Rewane was killed during a military regime, while we now have a civilian, supposedly democratic regime. Rewane was a private official, while Ige was the highest unelected law-enforcement officer of civilian regime. Rewane was a bitter enemy of Abacha, while Ige was the closest thing to a friend that former president Olusegun Obasanjo had, I mean a very close friends.

People took the death of Ige very personally, just as I am sure that former President Obasanjo has taken the death of his long-time friend very personal, to the point of weeping. Ige was the only cabinet member outside Adamu Ciroma who could dare look Obasanjo in the eye and tell him off without batting an eyelid.

Ironically, on Wednesday, December 19, Chief Bola Ige had just turned in his letter of resignation from Obasanjo’s cabinet, taking effect from March 31, 2002, simply because he wanted to stick around for the Bakassi judgement in February as a fitting “farewell” to himself, and to face his new UN Law Commission appointment.

The Federal Government had promised to do something about his death. Obasanjo had declared that the Killers would not go Scot-free.

There were various theories on who killed him. Some said that the killing was a reprisal killing stemming from the killing of one State Representative, Odunayo Olagbaju on December 20, 2001. The remote cause is linked to be political succession ambitions with the then Deputy Governor of Osun State, who later became a Senator, Otunba Iyiola Omisore’s name coming up. Omisore had alleged that back in 1998/1999 he agreed to be deputy governor only on the condition that his then candidate rival, Adebisi Akande would serve only one term (till 2003) as Governor of Osun State. He had pointed out that Chief Bola Ige had vowed that his friend, Governor Akande will go for a second term. So the Akande/Ige team have been doing everything to discredit him through allegations of fraud, etc., including attempts to poison and/or kill him, and Osun indigenes had taken sides in this bloody feud, as others looked on helplessly.

The rift between Akande and Omisore begins almost immediately, both political and financial rifts, with Akande’s friend, Ige naturally in the middle of them. Ige’s presence in Obasanjo’s cabinet had always been seen as his way of getting back at those mainline Afenifere members who would not make him a Presidential candidate despite years of faithful Awo-political-clan service. He was also seen more ominously as Obasanjo’s way of securing a political beach-head in Yorubaland and ostensibly a second presidential term in 2003 - Some would say that Ige literally died in the cause of doing Obasanjo’s service. Looking at the situation in 2003 with Obasanjo’s self-succession plans, Akande’s self-succession, or more accurately, Omisore’s desperation at his own ascension.

In an interview with Tempo Magazine of December 27, 2001 four days before Ige's assassination, Omisore had declared that “Bola Ige is a traitor in Afenifere. He has abused and embarrassed leaders of Afenifere, so, it is nemesis that is catching up with him. He is the 'Akintola' of our time. What Akintola did to Awolowo is what Bola Ige is doing to Adesanya and the Yoruba people”

Every body at least knew what later became of Akintola, whom Omisore made mention of here, so when Ige was murdered, there were speculations as to the cause and the killer, at least one possible set. In Osun State, a contest of political will was going on, with Governor Bisi Akande on the one hand and Deputy Governor Otunba Michael Iyiola Omisore on the other hand. Ige was a supporter of Akande, and Olagbaju a supporter of Omisore. Thus the supported are alive, while the supporters are dead.

A funny twist of event brought out Adebayo Adedamola Aka Fryo, who claimed that he was paid to kill Ige by Omisore, and thus Omisore, Fryo and other named suspects were arrested, following Omisore’s impeachment as Deputy Governor, which cancelled all immunity on him. Omisore had denied ever meeting Fryo before and the stage was set for a proper prosecution. People were relaxed that for once, a murder case will be resolved, unlike that of Dele Giwa, Alfred Rewane etc., but surprisingly, the case was dragged along, almost forgotten, giving Omisore the chance to contest as a senator even in detention and won, later gaining his freedom on June 25, 2003 in a judgement delivered by Justice Akin Sanda. On July 20, some other suspects to the case were released in a judgement delivered also by Justice Ojo, and on October 14, in a judgement delivered by Justice Atilade Ojo at Ibadan Court, Adebayo Adedamola aka Fryo, Daramola Ezekiel, Sgt Oye Oniyanda, Nelson Kumoye, Kareem Lawal, Adebayo Adegoke and Oluwole Ogunjimi, got their freedom.

One thing that is so sure is that Uncle Bola Ige did not commit suicide. Certain people forced their way into his home in Ibadan on that fateful night in the absence of his bodyguards who had all “gone to eat”; proceeded to tie up some of his family members; and then later on his body was found bullet-ridden he was rushed to the hospital where he later died. So it was a homicide, pure murder, committed not by ghosts but by some human beings, in flesh and blood. Despite accepting the notion of innocent until proven guilty, when a number of people, Fryo and Omisore included among others, were arrested on suspicion, either of plotting to kill him and/or actually laying their hands on him to do the dastardly deed, one could not but feel a sense of the need for justice to be expedited on the issue, now all the suspects to Ige’s murder are all free, freed, according to the judge, because the prosecution was completely incapable of providing any persuasive evidence against them either of conspiracy or murder. And we are back in square one, bearing it in mind that his killers are at large somewhere in Nigeria, eating, drinking and making merry somewhere, marrying and being married, having children and hoping to grow up like Ige, you and me. That is, after eleven years, not a single clue is known about who murdered the then Attorney-General of the Federal Republic of Nigeria, who was regarded as a personal friend of the President of Nigeria.

We have chosen to forget about the issue and regard the case as “one of the numerous murders” (don’t forget that Funsho Williams, Ayo Daramola, Harry Marshal etc., had since joined the endless list of murdered Nigerian) until when Obasanjo opened the old wound when in a valedictory Nigerian Television Authority (NTA)/Federal Radio Corporation of Nigeria (FRCN) interview session tagged “The President Speak” said that Bola Ige was killed by a drug baron, saying that it was wrong to assume that the Police had close the case. According to the president, the drug dealer masterminded the killing of Bola Ige to stall the prosecution of a case of drug trafficking that was being handled by Ige and that the police are now looking into it.

What a new chapter to the case! People expected Nigerians to begin to look among the various drug barons in Nigeria for the murderer of Bola Ige thus starting another “the Ultimate Search XI” who knows when it will end? When will we see this faceless Drug Baron who killed Bola Ige?

An Affair with mobile Phone

An Affair with mobile Phone

Temmy, my wife once told me that she discovered I now have a second wife who is threatening to take her place, I was so shocked to hear that because that thought had never crossed my mind, so I asked her who was the second wife and how did she get the news. Her reply shocked me further. Temmy informed me that my Mobile phone is the second wife.

My Mobile phone… mmmmmm…,  well… I am guilty of being too attached to my phone, yes, my mobile phone virtually separated me from other things in my life (Apart from my Wife). I even use it more than I visit my laptop since I can do virtually everything I want to do with my mobile phone.

Nokia 3310 Era

When Mobile phone was introduced in Nigeria in 2001, nobody ever predicted it will become an essential commodity now. In fact it took me a whole year before I can join the league of mobile phone users since I never saw any sense in it then.

Perhaps maybe due to rugged and non flashy style of the early phones arrival in Nigeria, many do not see the need to buy it.

You will remember with fond memory the Nokia 3310, and how we play the snake game with it. I still remember the Samsung R220 blue face with antenna which I used with the aid of an outside antenna attached to a long pole all in the bid to get network and be able to call out.

However, what I really don’t want to remember is that tiny voice always reminding me that my credit will soon expire when I just bought a 750 MTN card which was suppose to last for only 7 days.

I started my phone with Samsung A800, a small portable blue open and close phone with a green light background whom I collected from my Old man and I was so proud of the phone as I show it off to my friends who were still glued to Nokia 3310.

In this era, yours truly quickly settled down into the mobile world and I learnt how to compose songs for the Nokia 3310 and the likes and I was the rave in the campus as students sought me out with their Nokia 3310 begging me to help them ‘tush’ up their phone with some sounds. I still laugh whenever I remember how we were satisfied with those sounds then and feel so fly anytime our phone ring and it plays monophonic sounds.

Infrared and Polyphonic Era

After my first experience with Sansung, I migrated to Sony Ericsson with Z200, and that was when the Infrared age started and you can imagine my elation when I discovered that apart from making calls and playing games, I can actually send files such as pix and Polyphonic ring tones, by bringing my phone side by side with another phone.

To some of us, that is the best that can ever happen to us on the technology era, imagine you being able to actually transfer pix to my phone, all I need to do is snap myself and send it to other people’s phone through my Infrared. It was simply wonderful

Mp3 and Bluetooth Era

I moved through different ranges of Sony Ericsson from Z200 to K350i, K750i and later W800i and P900i and in all these, I was introduced to Mp3 and 3.5 mega pixel camera as well as Bluetooth. I guess this was where the addiction started from, as I tried various styles and innovations with my Sony Ericsson.

Being a bachelor at that time, it is natural that I stay awake most nights with my ear phone in my ear listening to cool music blaring into my ear while I also try out other things that my phone application allows me.

Internet Browsing Codes

All through these periods there were still a limit to all we can do with our phones, as our network providers felt we don’t still qualify to enjoy full internet access, so you can imagine how happy I was when in the early 2008, I stumbled across a free browsing code and browsing cheats…

Wow, so I can actually browse on my phone for free? This realization was so superb, I formed a clique of free browsing code users, and we create codes for various versions of phones and share it among ourselves.

Much later, we discovered browsing prov and created provs for our MTN and GLO. It was so wonderful.

China Phone era

A friend of mine visited me in 2009 and was holding a very big mobile phone with large screen. On closer look, I discovered that it was a dual sim phone so I really got interested, what type of phone is this? I asked, an sure it will cost more than 100k, I thought within me…

As I still held on to the phone, it sudden rang…. Omg! I quickly threw down the phone as the sound that came out from the phone was as if a loudspeaker had been placed in the room. My friend gently picked the phone with a bemused look and calmly told me that was how the phone rings so loud.

Wow…. What type of the phone is this? I collected the phone from him to look for the name of the brand but all I could see were some strange names I cant easily recognize among the different brands I know. Then he explained to me that it was a China phone….

Welcome to era of China phones… some call it Shinko phone… over the years, we have course to see many china phones ranging from ITEL, NOKLA, NKIA, TECNO, and even names such as GODWIN, and others.

Later, we begin to see some of these China phones having Mobile Television where you can tune to local channels.

Right now, it has become so difficult to even recognize them again as some China phones had been so designed to look like Nokia and other brands, that one of the easiest way to recognize them is the MNT that takes the place of MTN

Blackberry, Ipad, iPhones and DSTV phones

After following the trend of phones, I quickly jumped at DSTV mobile phone following a brief flirt with Nokia phones, but by this time, the new rave in town was Blackberry and iPhones. And sharing of PIN became the order of the day.

Moreover, in a bid to outdo each other, the Mobile network provider created the monthly, weekly and daily internet plans which allowed subscribers to have access to internet.

The introduction of Blackberry and frenzy rate in which our society embraced it is alarming going by different news being heard about blackberry thefts among other things.

Despite my addiction and romance with mobile, it has never crossed my mind to get a blackberry or an iPhone even when I can afford it, I just do not see any thing attractive in it and am still waiting to be proved wrong

However, by now, after my conversation with my wife, I realized that I had really got so involved with mobile phones and as a married man, I ought not to allow it become my second wife. I need to take a decision once and for all.

One thing I promised Temmy was my undying love for her and I think if I need to do that, I have to reduce my addiction to mobile phones.

A very Blue story

A very Blue story

Dateline: Moscow, May 21, 2008 (My room, Ikorodu 8:30pm)

I had rushed from the office after meeting my production deadline for the week as I consider the day a very special one…. My beloved Chelsea is in the Uefa Champions league Final after grinding its way to the final and had set up a meeting with bitter rival and fellow English team, Manchester United.

I was so determined to get to my house without hitch that when I was faced with a heavy gridlock along Ketu – Mile 12 axis, I opted to pay an exorbitant price to a motorcyclist to take me to Ikorodu and I eventually arrived just as the game was about to kick off.

As I relaxed on my seat with my elder sister’s husband, who is also a Chelsea fan, we never hoped for anything less than a win. The blues had been so assured of victory for various reasons

·        The final was held in Moscow, the home country of Roman Abramovich, the Chelsea Multibillionaire owner, and he had prepared very well for it …. There had also been reports that he bought a whole hotel and a street and renamed it Chelsea in honour of his club and had lodged the team in the hotel as part of his preparation.

·        On the Road to Moscow, Chelsea had grinded out result with other clubs in the group stage like Rosenborg (1-1), Valencia (won 2-1), Schalke 04 (0-0) Rosenborg (won 4-0), Valencia (0-0), and in the second round with  Olympiakos (1-1), Olympiakos (Won 3-0), then the quarter final against Fenerbache (lost 1-2 away ) and (Won 2-0 at home) before an all English semi final clash with Liverpool which Chelsea drew 1-1 away and later won 3-2 (after extra time) with John Riise gifting us a last minute rare own goal. So Chelsea entered the final with confidence that we will grind out any result with Man U.

However, not long after I settled down to enjoy the game, Christiano Ronaldo fired Man United ahead with just 26 minutes played and my heart jumped into my mouth but parity was restored when Frank Lampard equalized before the interval and all was set for a thrilling second half and extra time but before we can say Jack Robinson, Devil entered Didier Drogba and he turned football into WWE by rushing Vidic and bullying him to silence with a resounding slap. This led to his sending off and Chelsea’s fate lies in its own hand with just 4 minutes to play

They rallied round, started a defensive style of play which denied the onslaught that would have happened if there had been more minutes to play.

Luckily, Chelsea held on and the ensuing penalty was mind-boggling. By this time, I was in a frenzy state and was pacing up and down the room, hoping for a miracle…. Yeah… it almost happened, I screamed when Ronaldo lost the third kick after Tevez and Carrick (for United) and Ballack and Belleti (for Chelsea).

So Lampard was successful from the spot, while Michael Owen also scored under pressure and Ashley Cole penalty took Chelsea to the brink of victory and Nani scoring his kick to prolong the tension.

The last kick was supposed to go to John Terry, our captain, but he gifted Man United a lifeline when he slipped in the process of taking the kick.

With renewed strength, Anderson and Kalou both scored for either side before Giggs threw all responsibility on Anelka as the shoot out reached sudden death.

By this time, I had nearly peed in my pants, I was nearly in a state of shock, what would happen, would Anelka keep his cool? I closed my eye as the certainty was about glaring on my face.

But this proved too much for the Anelka as he directed his kick straight into Van der Sar’s palm and thus, our hope came crashing down as Manchester United were crowned the winner.

Well, I did not pee in my pant but I was gutted at being denied the Champion’s league after having come so close.

Dateline: FCE Okene Staff quarters, (1983 – 1993)

My love for football dated back to my primary and secondary days in Federal College of Education, Okene, Kogi State. As the son of a lecturer and living in a staff quarters with other kids like me, we quickly formed a football team and play with other in the quarters.

I was a natural left footer so I was drafted to the left back where I played 3 or 6 as a defender.

However, after I sustained a serious injury on my left leg (Which would have put Messi on 9 months injury in present time - Lol), my father banned every form of football for his children.

So I started sneaking out to play football with other kids in the other compound and dashed back to the house whenever the sound of my father’s car drift to us as he make his way back from the office.

Despite my not being opportune to play regular football, my love for soccer never stopped and I always adored any left back I know both in Nigeria and Europe which was why I fell in love with Celestine Babayaro of the 1994 Super Eagles and when I later learnt that he had signed for Chelsea, I naturally started supporting the club and not long after, Abramovich put his billions in the club and the revolution started with Jose Mourinho after the sacking of Claudio Ranieri.

Dateline: Munich, May 19, 2012 (My room, Abuja 8:30pm)

Believe me, in December 2011, not even the most optimists Chelsea fan will tell you Chelsea will get any where pass the knock out stage in the Champions league after what we had witnessed with our new young coach.

Villa-Boaz had mixed naivety with natural gift as he battled with Chelsea’s mafia; the triumvirate of Drogba, Lampard and Terry who had combined to make life difficult for AVB at the detriment of our league and Champions league position.

However, the mafia again won the battle as they have done to other managers, so out go AVB and in come Roman Di Mattio (RDM) and immediately our lucked changed.

Chelsea was on the verge of going out of the Champions League knock out stage after a 3-1 away loss to Napoli and were held at home in the F.A Cup by Birmingham, but things quickly changed; Chelsea manoeuvre its way pass Napoli with 4-3 aggregate, beat Birmingham in the F.A cup replay, then came Benfica and Totemham and the Champions league and F.A cup respectively.

After Chelsea passed through to the Semis of the Champions League and the Final of the F.A Cup, many felt that no matter what happen next, Chelsea should accept their lots because they have tried pushing up to that stage.

Perhaps, looking at the credentials of the teams Chelsea was to play with in the Champions league (Barcelona) and the F.A Cup (Liverpool), one might be tempted to say this is the end of the road for Chelsea.

Even Mumini Alao, the Complete Sports’ Chief Editor and Columnist in his Column ‘Soccer Talk’ declared Chelsea dead and buried in the two matches.

But luck played its part, Chelsea with a divine help which was beyond human comprehension defeated Barca by even playing out a draw with 10 players at Camp Nuo as well as claiming the F.A Cup after defeating Liverpool.

So back in my room on May 19, the Champions’ league Final was set out to almost be a repeat of the 2008 Final with the game ending 1-1 and going into penalty.

I felt a sense of Déjà vu when the penalty was to be played, Oh God, will this be a repeat of 2008, why do you allow us to get to this stage only to suffer heartbreak.

But this time, the stage had been set for Chelsea to claim the coveted cup after Drogba calmly slot in the ball and Chelsea became to Champion of Europe.

Dateline: Present day

I had been vilified by lots of people for my support for Chelsea, some had hurled insult at me for even attempting to support the club which some called ‘Shepe’ or ‘Chelski’. I remember a guy who even deleted me from his Facebook list just because I am a Chelsea fan. According to him, he hate Chelsea and anybody that support the club.

In all sincerity, I sometimes ask myself why I love this club and still stick to it most time when we pass through coach crisis but I am a committed Chelsea fan and had always remain a true blues and after the Champions League and FA cup success, I will always raise my head high and tell everyone that I AM A CHELSEA FAN and AM PROUD OF IT.

Just before you say “ YES I DO”

(Strictly for Intending couples)

(Caveat Emptor:  This write up is strictly for Intending couples, before you go on reading it, you must identify yourself that you are in that category)

Okay, having done a little test and had screened out all the players or the unserious lovers from reading this piece, intending couples, lets study something together about your ideal person… some pitfalls you will have to avoid before saying YES I DO.

Credit must be given to Zicolo Abiola Issac for the inspiration to write this, he  wrote a wonderful piece in his Facebook page which I found very useful and which am going to adopt most of his points and discuss about it.

Of course by the time of writing this note, I am still single (If you are reading it after February 18, 2010), so many will say, “What do you know about Love and marriage to teach us” but, I have had my own fair share of the Love and Relationship and there are some topics about love in which I consider myself worthy and qualified to talk about.

Okay, enough of this rambling, lets start….

Do you have a relationship with a girl or a guy and  you are telling yourself that its time to settle down… as a lady, do you think its high time he proposed, and as a guy, do you think this is just the right moment to pop the question.

Well… most people get to that stage without actually knowing how they get there. Many just start conceiving marriage thought without the right motive.

To some, it may be the age factor… the thought of “ Oh, I am getting old o… when will he propose na” or “All my age mates are married, am tired of doing the best man, its time I take her to the alter” comes readily to mind.

If that’s your motive for getting married, then you better check out yourself, you are seriously not ripe for marriage, and you are heading for a turbulent time in your marriage.

Deciding if you’re ready to make the commitment to marriage is only half the battle, before you ever think of settling down, there are a few things to consider first because, you must figure out if the man or woman in your life is the right one to devote yourself to until death do you part. Believe me, this is not a joking matter, there are a few warning signs that your boyfriend girlfriend is not marriage material. It’s a complex situation but we are going to address them carefully here.

• Is he or she the Touch and Go person: Are you getting married to a restless person, a guy or a girl who has trouble committing to a job, a friendship or even a hairstyle might not be the best person to swear your undying loyalty to. If she has tried numerous short-lived career paths or is constantly making new friends and dropping the old ones, these may be indications that she’s not the kind of girl who’s in it for the long haul. settling down simply may not be in the cards for someone so free-spirited and fickle, Even if he/she sticks around, consider the possibility that his/her ever-changing lifestyle could derail your own life plan as well. Remember getting married means combining your lives in nearly every sense. Give some serious thought as to whether or not she will be a good influence on your future.
• Is He/She the Jealous Type? If your boyfriend/girlfriend is jealous of every guy/girl who comes near you, going to the putting a ring on her finger is not going to make her more secure. Everyone gets jealous sometimes, but if you find yourself constantly having to reassure her that the other women in your life are not a threat to her, this could spell doom for a long-term commitment. Two years ago, a guy actually called me on phone to tell me to steer clear of girlfriend…. It really turned me off from that kind of relationship. A good husband/wife is not possessive or irrational. As long as you’re not giving him/her any reason to be suspicious, she should be able to keep the green-eyed monster in check.
• Is the sex life totally different? Have you really have cause to wonder if your partner’s sex drive match yours: Sex is an important part of any relationship, and the way you relate to each other physically has a big influence on whether you stay together after you say “I do.” One sign that to show that he/she might make a bad husband/wife is if his/her sex drive differs wildly from yours. Whether it’s much higher or much lower than your own, his/her libido will have a huge effect on your happiness as a married couple. Sex-drive issues can be the result of medical or psychological problems, so problems might come and go, but either way, it’s best to work this out before you walk down the aisle.
• Is he/she happy when your friends are with you? Mmmmm…. This is a very sensitive matter, have you thought about his/her disposition towards your friends? A guy/girl who disapproves of you hanging out with your friends will become a husband/wife who doesn’t want you to have your own life outside of the marriage. Even if he/she is not that fond of your buddies, he/she shouldn’t stand in the way of you spending time with them on your own. Provided your friends aren’t convincing you to rob banks or visit a Juju man. He/she should trust you to make your own decisions about your friends. If he/she tries to restrict that now, it’ll only get worse after you say your vows. One of my girlfriends was always against my friends, she will always ask me what’s my use of staying with them. She once asked me to choose between her and my brother when there was a conflict of interest… of course you can imagine that I will chose my brother, the relationship did not even lasted long for me to consider her a wife material.
• Is he/she trying to change you? If your boyfriend/girlfriend is constantly fussy about your appearance, your behavior, your personality, your career path, your friends, and your habits, he/she is essentially telling you that you’re not good enough for him/her. Everyone can make improvements in their lives, and a good partner should help you become a better person, but if he/she is forever on your case about changing one thing or another, he/she is certainly going to make a bad husband/wife. You also have to decide whether or not the things he/she is asking you to change are reasonable or out of the question. Can you give up your vision of a loft downtown for his/her desire for a house in the suburbs? Are you ready to start putting on jean just because he/she says that’s how he/she wants you to dress? What if you’ve always wanted to be a father/mother and he/she is dead-set against having children? Ask yourself how much you’re willing to give up to please him/her. A lady was always nitpicking about lots of things about me, she complained about the way I eat, she complained about how I laugh, she complained about how I sleep, she complained about virtually everything about me so one day I asked her, “are you sure I am what you want? You better decide now because this is who I am, I can’t start changing how I walk, talk, eat and sleep because of you”.

Contrary to the wisdom of pop songs, love is not enough to make a marriage work.

Getting married means sharing your entire life with another person, so you want to make absolutely sure that he/she is someone you’ll be happy spending time with day in and day out. Keep an eye out for these warning signs that your boyfriend/girlfriend will make a bad husband/wife and avoid committing to the wrong woman.

If he/she has all or most of the above traits, then you had better think twice before you decide in saying “YES I DO”. Marriage is an eternal thing and once you are inside, it’s till death do you part.

Felix Adewumi's World: Forced Wedding

Felix Adewumi's World: Forced Wedding

Luv and Marriage: Simply Misunderstood

By Felix Adewumi 
(DISCLAIMER: All names in dis write up are ficticious pls. D names av no bearing wit any pple i av met in real life)

I woke up one day to discover dat not less dan 9 girls had actually thot I wud marry dem or expect me to marry dem.
Pls dont get me wrong. B4 u start thinking am prince Charming, d handsome, cool dude wit plenty swaggar which ladies want. NO I AM NOT. In actual fact am d exact opposite.
Am not handsome (as some pple will say).
Am not tall (what most ladies want... Howeva i wont say am short neither).
I dont walk wit that swag dey want (in fact am a bow-legged boi and if u stare very well u will still see it in d way i walk).
I dont av dat enchanting voice dat swept ladies off dia feet (Am not ashame to say dat I stammer wen am angry, agitated or nervous).
But despite all dese flaws, i came to realise dat dose are not all dat ladies look for in a guy, dey look for something special..... One unique feature which supersede d physical attraction and wen dey find it, dey are ready to overlook d other flaws and cling to it.......
Now lets get dis straight.... I only had relationship wit four (4) gals all my life so how come i had over nine (9) gals thinking i wud end up marrying dem?
Wen One of my female friend who got married last year heard d story of my being involved, she actually placed a call to me and said "Congratz Felix, but so if I had waited for u, dat's how u will end up not marrying me?". Dat really shocked me and got me thinking, so all dis while dat we are friends, dis ladies actually thot i may pop d question "will u Marry me" to dem?
Ok.... Enough of d rabbling, lets start from d very beginning.... I grew up in a house filled wit female, save my younger brother and dad, and I learnt a lot about Ladies from dem....
Its natural dat Tinu, Bola, Martha & Abbey (Not all real names) whom I can really say i had relationship wit will expect me to marry dem afterall I always handled my relationship so seriously and wit maturity.
Take for instance, Tinu and I were together for 7 years. I luv everything about her personality, Beauty and d way she relates wit my friends and family, but dat's wia it ends, we neva really got along until sadly it had to end.
Bola filled up d place wia Tinu lacked concerning luv and Communication but cud not provide what Tinu had... It was a tough decision to make but it was obvious from d onset dat it wont lead anywhere even though it lasted on and off for 3 years.
Martha cud av been it.... Dey said we were perfect... Dey said d chicken had come to roost... Howeva, after 3 years of dilly-dallying and indecision, it was not yet Uhuru for me....
Dat Abbey became my choice is one thing some pple will not understand... Remind me in 80 years time.... And i will tell u why she is d chosen one....
Ok.... Back to d other 5 who still felt i ought to av chosen dem.... One of dem (Hannah) whom i actually av not met... (We were only online friends) immediatly fought wit me over my being involved.
D other two (Juliana and Anthonia) were my Lagos office colleagues and dey neva took it easy wit me for getting involve.... According to one of dem, its a bitter pill to swallow....
Abbey Always told me dat d way i handled and treat ladies always make dem think am interested in dem and all dey need do is to silently expect me to ask dem out..... Me think am just simply understood.......
(to be Continued)

Love and Marriage: the place of Bosom Friends

(Sequel to Love and Marriage Simply Misunderstood)
Recently, a friend and colleague drew my attention to a post on one of the social website which dealt with issues of Intimate friends… after reading such post, I begin to wonder within me how this really relates to my life as well as the lives of many people.
In my earlier post (Check Love and Marriage: Simply Misunderstood), I had shared my story on how some people expressed disappointment about my plan to settle down…. Obviously, it was not that they don’t want me to settle, they just could not fathom why they were not the one.
By the nature of my upbringing, as a kid, warming my way into people’s heart is one of my asset, I may not be the soft spoken charming type ladies long for, but my shoulder is as wide and soft as the ear of an elephant and on the shoulder most people find El-Dorado and the Utopia world; no matter how short it may be.
I became a reservoir of secrets; people shared their intimate secrets with me and confide in me on important things that at time I respect the burdens which a Reverend Fathers have to bear daily hearing the confession of the people.
With me, I see my friends as sexless, irrespective of your gender, whenever our heart meets and agrees, we take on from there, but my preference for the opposite sex took over.
Before you castigate me or call me a woman wrapper, remember that I said I grew up in the family of 3 girls and just a kid brother so I am more closer to ladies that men and as far back as my Secondary and University days, it was not strange to see me in the company of a girl, or see a girl tagging along when I go about my normal duties.
However, there was always a limit to our friendship: the word LOVE never arises. In my eye, they are just friends or family members nothing attached.
Many people find it difficult to believe a guy and a lady can share intimate moments with a guy without them actually dating, so I can understand the sentiments that people attach to my relationship with some of those friendgirl.
My first intimate moments with a lady friend came during my final year in the University, Kenny, a very intimate lady-friend of mine had moved into my room where she planned on spending a WHOLE month with me…. We were not dating and I was certainly not looking forward to any thing that would suggest a different set up.
However, after her first 24 hours with me where I had watched her sleep, had her bath, dress up and even seen her in her awkward moments, I knew I was in for a great test of my life. How I passed the test is a story for another time.
Just after my University, another test came during my Service year when Lily, another female friend, paid me a visit and decided to stay for 3 weeks.
Now, the point I am trying to bring out here is this… when these girls decide to go to that extent with you, are they indirectly trying to pass a message across to you that its high time the intimacy move to another level.
In my own case, when I see a lady-friend as a family friend, I am not aroused by her sexuality, so it should not amaze you if I say I actually go to the extent of seeing then in their “Birthday suit” and not feel any sensation run through my body.
Well, not many opposite sex see this as many of us tend to see it. In the first place, many intimate relationships which we term “Just Friends” might actually be more than it looked like as most opposite sex actually believe the relationship might actually be leading somewhere.
Recently, a friend of mine on Facebook received a rude shock when he was turned down by his lady friend whom he shared intimate call with. According to him, within the 8 months in which they were together, she had called him on numbers of time, share intimate secret with him, sent him lovely messages and even hang out, so automatically he had the motion that this is leading somewhere and actually pop the JAMB question “Be my Fiancée”. The answer he got, coupled with the tongue lashed he received from the visibly angry girl will forever linger in his heart.
However, how are we now expected to define the level of intimacy you might want to share with your opposite sex? How far are you both willing to go, how will it affect your personal relationship with you fiancé or fiancée?
Joshua Rogers, an writer/attorney based in Washington D.C in one of his write-up “Your Friendgirl deserves better” stated that people have to wake up to the fact that there is something more important at stake than our convenience with our friendgirl, and what might be at stake is his or her heart.
Most times, ladies heart are vulnerable and after some intimate moments together, the assumption begin to creep into her mind, “I think he loves me, he is just bidding his time”
According to Joshua, when this thinking comes into her mind, it is time for a major break up…. “if you are one of those guys who is passively encouraging a single lady to waste her time on you when you are not romantically interested, then it is time for one of the most important break up of your life”.
How practicable is this advice in your life? How do we succeed in breaking up with someone you are so close with?
Well…. In my own case, I procrastinated in most of my friendgirl’s issue and so was not surprise when most of them showed displeasure at my plans to get married.
The only occasion where I try to use the above principle with a friendgirl almost ended in a disaster. Funmmy (Not real Name) was a very close friend of mine… we met in Lagos, find ourselves in the same company and became so attached when I was introduced to her family and I became part of the family.
In this situation, I thought I was okay with the level of intimacy since we both did not plan to take it further and since we were both in a relationship.
Then all of a sudden, my blissful relationship collapsed and in my moments of brooding over the relationship she confessed to me that her relationship had collapsed for over a year but she had continued to use him as front in order to avoid any complications.
Now the best bet and step for a sharp Lagos guy will be to jump at the opportunity and open a relationship with Funmmy… this many expected me to do, and this I failed to do. To me, we were brothers and sisters… even during a crazy moment when we actually kissed and confess some feelings for each other, I still could not fathom how I will live with someone I had initially consider as my sister… that is incest…
So I took another route, I met Abiodun (Not real Name) proposed to her and introduced her to Funmmy as my fiancée. (Till today, still cannot say if Funmmy is really happy to see me settling down).
As for my other friendgirls, I guess I should have followed the advice of Joshua and clearly define what really exist between us.
So you don’t have to fall into the same dilemma I fell into with my friendgirl, ask yourself today if you think you are doing the right thing with her.
Joshua pointed out that “You might have a friendgirl if you are a friend with a girl you never intend to marry and

• You know she is interested but you figure that as long as you don’t kiss her, she will understand that the relationship is platonic.
• People keep asking you if you are dating her  and you act surprise every time.
• You have had to explain every time that she is just like a sister to you.
• When she calls you, you hang out with her if it is convenient
• When you call her, she leaves everything she is doing to be with you

In actual fact, friendgirl thinks and hopes something might be going on between the two of you or why do you think they stay with you all this while, is it to be your wife’s Chief Bride’s Maid?
So it is very imperative we take the right step now, beware of what you are doing to your opposite sex. She might not find it so funny as you think take a decision today.